My Theory of Radio Song Algorithms

Chartres Ferris Wheel Copyright 2012 Kaliani Devinne
Ferris Wheel at Chartres
"'Cause I'm midway down the midway
Slowin' down, down, down, down"

  Joni Mitchell

One of the ways my guides and guardian angels have always communicated with me is through the radio.  There is a divine algorithm in existence that sends just the right song at the right time to make me step outside of my usual daily routine and think, sigh, breathe, and wonder.

It happened a couple of times today, along with some pretty suspect serendipity.  They want me to be aware and not just smile momentarily.  I started this blog today, in a flurry of writing, words spilling out, the beginnings of my integration of the experiences of my trip to the U.K. and France in September.

An old favorite by Joni Mitchell accompanied my thoughts about my shadow experience of the trip.  I was in significant pain for most of the trip.  Either a shoulder, hip, knee or foot spoke to me each day.  Sometimes so strongly I had to alter my plans.  Other times, a twinge, just a reminder.  You're not as young as you used to be.  You've been planning this trip for over 38 years!  Yes, Joni, I sure am at least "midway down the midway, slowin' down."

For me the trip was both a vision forward and a view back.  The pain of the moment intertwined with the joy of discovery, the step outside of my comfort zone combining with my rusty high school French, the victory of having made my dream of traveling back to France come true intersecting with stopping at the bottom of the Metro stairs, wondering if my hips will carry me up to street level.  It was a humbling experience and a strong dose of reality.  For most of the trip I was on overload.  It would have been enough, just the travel experience itself, without the jet-lag, sleep-deprivation, and painful joints.

Worms Head Swansea Copyright 2012 Kaliani Devinne
Worm's Head, Swansea, Wales

One of the days, I couldn't continue on with the rest of the group, but luckily there was a nearby pub where I could sit and bide my time while the others hiked.  I could see this magnificent view down to the sea on Swansea peninsula at Worm's Head.  It was a brisk day with a pretty stiff wind and cooler temperatures.  I was so upset that I wasn't able to walk out there and needed a rest.  Winding down, slowing down.  That's not me!  No, not yet!  And yet, it was reality.  I'm not forever young.  I'm becoming a crone with lots of interesting stories to tell.  But, it's taking some getting used to, I'll tell you!

It took a few hours and a talk with some friends before I pulled out of the funk.  It takes maturity to gaze through the pain and see the beauty of the whole journey.  And, to surrender to sitting in the nice warm pub, drinking a local specialty ale, sheltered from the wind and releasing oneself from the need to push, to keep up.  It's all in how you look at it.  It's all in your head.  Where do you put your attention, and can you be here now in this moment, with all of its gifts without comparing the experience with the past or the future.  This is my practice.


Popular Posts